writing

R E S P E C T (sing it like Aretha)

~ queenmum85 ~ Leave a comment

“Oh the times, they are a changing”

I’m from the protest generation.  The 60’s and 70’s, when I was growing up. were a time of huge cultural change regarding human rights and ideals.  The Vietnam War, POW and MIA movements, bra burning.  Working for or against the “MAN”.  Woman could finally get a loan and a credit card without a male co-signer.  We marched for peace, we smoked “funny stuff”, psychedelics   became a way to open the mind (trippy).  It was the “dawning of the age of Aquarians”.  All the cliches.  Some things were positive, some things were dangerous, some were wrong.  We lost friends to war, drugs, alcohol, crazy drug induced accidents, suicide.  We made less life choices based on gender, women entered cooperate America in greater numbers.

We were raised by parents and grandparents who believed that children should be sheltered, you weren’t allowed to enter into serious conversations with adults, you didn’t talk about “family business or finances”.  It wasn’t discussed in front of us.  Sex was a taboo topic.  Polite people never talked about politics or religion at social gatherings.  Neighborhoods were small and relatively safe.  You left home after breakfast in the summer. and often ate lunch at a friends house.  You came home by dinner time.  We walked or rode our bikes to school.  Highschool boys, especially in the country, went to school with shot guns in their car.  We had smoking areas at the High Schools.

Some of us grew up and realized that there was a balance between our world and their world.  We went to work for the “MAN”, we embraced some of their more traditional values and kept a lot of the social changes.  Others joined communes or entered into alternate live style choices.  We were more outspoken about social issues, continued to push for changes and at the same time entered into the previous “American Dream”.  We wanted our kids to have more opportunities than we had, pursue their dreams, work smarter, not harder.  We were part of the age of inventions, at no time in history has there been a time of such radical technological innovations.  We had record players and albums, then 8 tracks, cassette players, MP3 players, cd players, ipods and now we are streaming on our phones.  Phones?  Let’s talk telephones, wall phones, princess phones, cordless phones, bag phones, satellite phones, cell phones and now hand held mini computers.  We text not talk, text to talk… you get the general idea.

So where has that led us?  Perhaps it was too much too fast.  We now lead life at the speed of a sound wave.  Everything is instant, instant news, instant opinions, everyone is an expert about everything.  We discuss everything, we expose everything.  We are surrounded by constant chatter, constant debate and it seems instant hate and division.  We make our minds up about issues, people and ideas in a split second.  There is no opening of the mind, there is no contemplation about the deeper meaning of our lives and our purpose.  There is no “two sides to every story”, there is only our side and their side.  Maybe our parents and grandparents were onto something.  Maybe politics and religion should not be discussed in social settings.  Our former in person to person social setting has been replaced by social media.  We forget that there is another human on the other side of the discussion.  We see people not as people but as opinions. We don’t want to debate, we want to hate.  It seems people only respect themselves and those that agree with them.  Decorum and tact are a thing of the past.

Why is the current world full of the hatred and violence my generation fought so hard against?  Why have we left the age of Aquarius and entered the age of discontent?  Why isn’t anyone entitled to their opinion anymore?  It seems we have taught people to express themselves but we forgot to teach them how.  We have forgotten for every opinion, for every thought expressed, for every cause that is fought for and for every topic that is discussed, there is a human person involved.  A human person that is just as real, just as loved by someone, just as broken as you are, just as desperate to be heard.  They deserve respect, their life deserves respect, their opinion deserves respect, their heart deserves respect.  Agreement and respect are very different things.  You don’t need everyone to agree with you, no one is every completely right or wrong.  At the end of the day, if you can’t treat someone with respect and dignity as a human person, then your ideals, opinions and beliefs are just empty rhetoric. 

Let’s Twirl!

~ queenmum85 ~ Leave a comment

I made my granddaughter a poncho this past week.  She wanted a cape, but she is 2½ and I didn’t want to deal with the tie strings.  I put it over her head, and she was unsure about not having sleeves. I told her to spread her arms out and as she did, she immediately began to twirl.  She twirled around and around with reckless abandonment until she became a bit dizzy.  She stopped, took a breath, gave me a huge smile and began to twirl again.

This got me thinking, when did I stop twirling and why?  Twirling is pure joy expressed in movement.  Can you imagine, next time someone gives you something, instead of trying to express your happiness and gratitude verbally, you just start twirling?  Children have so many ways they use to express happiness and excitement.  They sing as if they were on a grand stage giving a Grammy worthy performance.  They give hugs that almost knock you over and sloppy kisses.  They squeal and giggle and shout for joy.  There is virtually no one that can resist laughing when a small child laughs.  There really is nothing more comforting than a hug from a child.  Sometimes, if I’m not looking at my granddaughter, she will take her little hands and put them on either side of my face and turn me toward her.  She will just look into my eyes, kind of questioning and then just smile.  As soon as I smile back then she lets my face go and returns to whatever else she was doing.  It lets me know to be present.

Now back to twirling.  When did I stop?  And why?  We are constantly telling children, don’t do that, you will get dizzy and fall down.  Stop running, you will hurt yourself.  Don’t talk too loud, don’t interrupt.  Don’t, don’t, don’t, and eventually they stop and that’s why I did and probably when you did.  As a parent, I understand why we do these things.  We want our children and grandchildren to be polite and safe.  But just maybe we overdo the lessons.  No, I don’t want to be around children who are deliberately mean or completely obnoxious, however I do want to be around children, that are just being joyful, happy souls. 

I think God wants us to twirl!  We all fall down in life literally and figuratively, but if we get up and twirl again, and sing, and laugh, and hug with abandonment, won’t we be better for it?  Sometime this week, when no one is looking, go outside and twirl a little, slowly if you must, eyes opened or closed (please don’t fall down).  It doesn’t have to be grand pirouette, just a little twirl for me and you.

Are you pretending?

~ queenmum85 ~ Leave a comment

When you watch very young children at play you will notice that a key part of their development is pretending. Children imitate what they see others do, it’s how they discover how things are. They mimic speech and expressions, they pretend to cook, and shop. They have tea parties and learn how to interact with others. Manners are learned this way. You say please and thank you and they do too. They treat their dolls and stuffed animals as if they were real. They clothe and feed them, hug and kiss them. Most of the times their play is exaggerated. The voices and facial expressions are over the top. The hugs almost knock you over, the laughter borders on hysterical, the tears are sobbing, gut wrenching, breath losing episodes. Anger is sudden and often involves throwing oneself on the floor or throwing objects.

If all goes well, at some point they began to learn boundaries based on the reactions to their behavior. They learn self – control and learn what is expected of them. They still play but things are more realistic and somewhere around the age of 8 or 9 you can see a shift towards something more mature and appropriate. Of course, this is a generalization and all children do things at different stages and learn things in different ways, but overall pretending is replaced by imagination.

What is the difference between the pretending and imagination. Pretending is role playing, acting like others, or acting like who you want to be. As adults we occasionally pretend, think Halloween costumes, masquerade balls, Renaissance Faires or tea parties. It’s still fun to play dress up and do something a bit over the top occasionally. Imagination on the other hand is a bit harder to explain. Imagination is more akin to dreaming. You conjure up images and ideas and imagine how they would look or how you can realize them in some form or the other. Without imagination there would be no great art, no great literature, no inventions or medical cures. All good ideas start in someone’s mind as a dream to be realized and imagination makes that possible. Pretending is acting as someone you are not, imagining is drawing from what you love or know and turning into something to be shared with others.

Now this brings me to my point; I’m sorry it was the long way around. We as a society have substituted pretending for imagining. We have made pretending the norm. Acting is pretending in its highest form, and great actors are great pretenders and that’s okay as a profession, but we should not be living life this way. We are making it okay for people to decide not to be who they are, and this is keeping them from reaching their greatest potential and it’s keeping our society from making great progress. If you don’t like some physical attribute you have, there is a garment, a pill or surgery for that. If you don’t like how you are feeling, well there’s a drug or stimulate or a suppressant for that. I’m not talking about real mental or physical disabilities here; I’m talking about finding happiness or satisfaction in pretending you are someone you are not. I’m not tall but I’m not going to wear stilts to be taller, that would be ridiculous (and awkward because I am definitely not coordinated enough to pull that off).

Speaking of ridiculous – a three-year-old that wants to pretend they are a dog and bark and eat their food without using their hands is completely normal and expected. Generally, we put up with it for a while and then let them know that they are in fact not a dog and should eat as civilized folks eat. A teenager that wants to pretend they are a dog every day and eat out of a dog bowl and dress up and bark, well I’m sorry if you disagree, but it’s ridiculous. We should be cultivating imagination, not pretending. Pretending should be a step toward imagination.

So should we stop pretending all together? Well no, it can cultivate imagination in healthy doses. It’s okay to “play dress up” every now and then. Is my hair grey? Yes. Do I dye it? Yes. Am I pretending I don’t have grey hair? In a way. Is it harmful to society or myself? Probably not. Am I always a nice, caring individual? No. Do I lose my temper and act horrible sometimes? Yes. Do I pretend I don’t? No. And knowing that reality causes me to try to do better. Pretending to the point of self-deception is harmful to yourself and others. Pretending you are something or someone you are not is equally harmful. It keeps people from living up to their full protentional and society desperately needs all of our full protentional and contributions. Society needs our imagination realized. Everyone has something different to offer, but if they aren’t being themselves then they can’t offer it.

Who or are you pretending to be? Sometimes you get up sad, or mad or tired and you pretend you aren’t and act like you aren’t and sometimes that works, and it snaps you out of it or gives you a different prospective. But what if you wake up every single day, sad or mad or tired? Do you keep pretending? Probably not a good idea. Time to use your imagination, imagine yourself not sad, or mad or tired. What would that look like? Now imagine how to fix it. Do you need professional help? A vacation? Do you need to spend more time doing something you love and less time on things that make you sad, or mad or tired? Does that seem impossible? Not if you use your imagination as a tool. Brainstorming – grab a friend (not an imaginary one) and get their input. Look at it this way: pretending is a band aide, imagination is a cure.

Is it time to ask yourself: who are you pretending to be?